Steroids are very serious issue facing the world today. The problem is that the use of these harmful drugs is increasing every year. The worst part about this is that the use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs is increasing every year by teenagers. The latest study shows that 3.5 percent of high school athletes admit to using steroids, which doesn't seem like alot, but is actually as 67% increase from 1991. We need to stop this, we have to teach and help them with this problem. We need to test in high schools around the country to stop kids from harming their bodies. If we don't do this, the problem will only increase and more and more kid will be harming their bodies.
How should I start the introduction to capture the readers attention and make them want to read the rest of the paper.
6 comments:
You should start it off with the statistic of how many high school students have admitted to using steroids. This might catch the readers attention more and make him want to read further.
I think that you need to be more in detail on what you are exaclty going to focous on in your essay. You tell the reader a lot about steroids but it is hard to understand what you are going to focous your essay on.
Tell the reader why you are interested in this topic. How should the schools take charge or make kids stop using them. Put your fact in the begining of the paragraph. Good start.
Andrew, I think you could rearrange your introduction so the statistics come first. If you use those strong statistics (67% increase in use by high school students) you can show the reader how serious it is, rather than just coming out and saying it is serious.
Use a current statistic involving steroids. Showing the dark side of the business and the pressure others feel to use the drug.
I think the essay has some good facts, but they just need to be rearranged to be better understood. It migtht also help to add a little more detail too.
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